Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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