Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
