He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
