You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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