Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
