I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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