so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
