after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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