DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
