Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we're making bets on your personal life
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
