Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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