i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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