She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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