Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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