home. puking in laundry basket.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
