i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
