I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
