What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
