well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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