Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
