He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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