My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drake has all the answers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
