After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
