Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize