didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
