Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
