You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
