My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
