you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
