I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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