There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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