i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
