does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
