3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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