nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
