Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
