I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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