so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
