she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
