my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have tasted many bathrooms
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