My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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