trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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