You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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