just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
