so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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