You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
