My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
