Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
