I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
