you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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