that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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