We're facebook friends in real life
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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