So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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