i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
