and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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