You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
