so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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