So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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