The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
