I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
