Have you finally orgasmed yet?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My feet surprised me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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