Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
