i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
