2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drunk is not a location!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
