Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
