My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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