That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
