Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
