I understand Curling. That high.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
