I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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