Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
