I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone needs a breathalizer
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
