Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
